While in Vancouver last week I met a friend for coffee in the hotel restaurant.

When I entered the restaurant my friend was reading the morning paper which, upon seeing me, he neatly folded and placed at the far end of the table.

My friend sells insurance and other financial products and at one point during the conversation he pointed to a photograph on the front page of the newspaper. The picture was of a high profile, well-regarded Vancouver businessman and my friend forlornly told me how he wished he had clients of this caliber.

He went on to tell me this how great it would be to have this man as his client so, naturally, I asked him whether he had made any effort to contact this man and secure his business.

Shaking his head, he explained to me that there would be no point and that surely a person at this level of success would already have put in place all of his insurance and financial product needs and was most likely working with people with whom he had strong existing relationships.

Over the years I have heard so many people in so many different fields explain to me their reasons for not approaching and talking to people who could help them reach their goals.

The reasons are almost always the same:

“He/she wouldn’t be interested.”

“He/she probably already has all that he needs.”

“I do not have the experience/knowledge/education/to talk to him/her.

“He/she wouldn’t want to go out with me.”

He/she is probably already in a relationship.”

I have been listening to these “reasons” for so long that I have realized that behind each of them lies a simple truth. When we proffer these lame excuses and disguise them as valid reasons for not approaching and talking to people, there is really only one true reason behind it all. We are afraid of being rejected.

I get it. Nobody likes being rejected and it is the fear of rejection that all too frequently stops us from ever potentially realizing the joy that accompanies being accepted.

None of us have the capacity for mind-reading. We truly have no way of knowing how a person will respond until such time as we provide them the opportunity to do so and when our fear of being rejected is greater than our desire to be accepted then we forever relegate ourselves to an unknown quantity of unrealized possibilities.

As has become our habit in this blog, we select a new habit to discuss for three weeks and today I would like to introduce the Habit of Becoming Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable.

Most gains in life are realized at the cost of first experiencing some degree of pain and when my friend listed all those reasons why that well-known businessman would not want, or need to talk with him, he was simply pointing out to me that he was not willing to adopt the Habit of Becoming Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable.

He was also possibly making one of the biggest mistakes that people in his profession could possibly make.

Many, many years ago I learned what has perhaps been the most important question we can ever ask ourselves.  In fact it’s one I have attempted to incorporate into my daily life and have asked myself numerous times every single day.

This powerful, life altering question is; “How do I know?”

–       “How do I know that the next person I meet will not become the largest client I will have in my entire career?”

–       “How do I know that this successful businessman already has people looking after his financial service’s needs?”

–       “How do I know that the stranger sitting across from me in a restaurant is not going to be the purchaser of the most expensive home I will ever sell in my career as a realtor?”

–       “How do I know that this young lady riding the elevator with me will not become a hugely successful distributor in my network marketing business?”

–       “How do I know that the attractive young co-worker I’m afraid to ask out on a date, is not hoping each day that I will do just that?”

The truth is, the answer to the question, “How do I know?” is “I don’t.”

The only way to find the answers to any of those questions is to approach, meet and talk to each of those people. We don’t know whether he will become a client if we don’t ask. We don’t know that he will buy an expensive home from us if we don’t ask.

We don’t know whether she will become a successful distributor if we don’t talk to her.

We will never know if she would go out on a date with us if we don’t ask.

The habit of asking How do I know will change your life. And in order to do so you must be willing to adopt the Habit of Becoming Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable. After all, the pain of discomfort is fleeting. The joy and reward for enduring that brief pain may well truly last a lifetime.

How do I know?

I just know.

Let’s make a habit of meeting like this.

P.S. My company, Strategic Pathways, this week introduced our newest Personal Coaching experience called Boot Camp for Your Brain. Please click here and take a peek at our Ebrochure

– I am very excited to share with you that my book Life Sinks or Soars – the Choice is Yours now has its very own website. Please visit us at  www.lifesinksorsoars.com  and let me know what you think.

– I have recently done several radio interview radio interview. The topic of each interview was my book, Life Sinks or Soars – the Choice is Yours. And its applicability to different situations.

– I would love to hear your thoughts, ideas or suggestions once you have listened to the  interviews.

– Here is a link to the interviews.   www.lifesinksorsoars.com/media

– Please contact me at rael@raelkalley.com and share your thoughts.