Rael,

 So your book is now available. Big deal!

Getting a few books printed doesn’t turn you into Shakespeare.

I cannot express my disappointment in having wasted precious minutes of my life reviewing it yesterday.

I was shocked, 

I was stunned. 

Mostly, I was hurt. 

I read the entire book, cover to cover, word for word and nowhere, not even once, is there any mention of me. 

After all we’ve been through. After all I have taught you. 

Naturally I assumed the book would be about me and I guess if there is a lesson for me amidst the pain I’m feeling right now it’s this; never assume anything – particularly when dealing with those types of people,  if you know what I mean? 

But being the professional that I am I will set my feelings aside and provide you with an honest opinion of your book.  

Firstly, I like the idea of a parable. Personally I find it much easier to stay focussed on a well told story than trying to absorb the same information through dry, boring text. 

The two characters in your book are very believable; the first one, the highly successful, sophisticated, good looking, articulate  and wise Hugh reminds me of me while the second one, who has none of those attributes was obviously modelled after you. 

As I progressed through the book, and came to terms with the notion that I was to receive no credit for its brilliance, I took solace in the fact that all the time I have spent training you, trying to shovel high quality, life altering knowledge into your head has not been entirely wasted. 

The book tells me you listened – at least in part – to the lessons I have been selflessly providing you and I’m comforted in knowing that if you begin to apply to your own life those plagiarized ideas of mine there is a strong probability that your life will morph into one of joy, happiness, success and adorability, just like mine. 

Rael, I had to apply all those lessons to myself in order to become as perfect as I am. It’s hard work, but as I’m sure you can tell just by looking at me, it’s sooooooooooooo worth it. 

The way you quoted me, through Hugh, in teaching Earl about why his life is exactly where he wants it to be, even though he hates every minute of it was masterful. You precisely captured the essence of what I have been teaching you. 

Having completed your book I must, grudgingly, congratulate you on your uncanny ability to steal my ideas and present them as your own. 

I fully expect you to do the right thing and that all proceeds from book sales will be used to buy treats. I have engaged the law firm of Pee, Poop, Growl & Shapiro to protect my interests in this matter.

There is one thing for which I must thank you. I finished the book just before my bed time last night and I had the best sleep I have ever had. 

Hmm. I think I’ve just discovered another use for your book.

Malka.

P.S Seriously though, I would highly recommend the book to anyone who would like their lives to be different in a positive way. 

Here’s the reason why. 

Rael, while not a particularly skilled writer did capture most of my ideas and frankly, as much as I would love to meet each one of you and share my teachings, I think you would all be better off telling your friends that you read a book that changed your life rather than trying to explain to them that that your new found zest for life came from a conversation you had with a talking dog.

And, if nothing else, do it for me. I need the treats 

So call now.

Operators are standing by.

Malka.

Till we read again .