Dear Rael,  

I have been meaning to put pen to paper and write this letter to you for some time now. I have always struggled with my writing. Perhaps it’s because I lack opposing thumbs. Sorry I couldn’t help that. 

I want to tell you how grateful I am to you for saving my life recently. 

Remember when you took me to visit that office in the building where we work and that lady dropped a Ritalin pill on the floor and I thought it was a treat so I swallowed it. And then she told you not to worry because her dog had swallowed a similar pill and nothing bad had happened and she said that I would probably be a little drowsy and would sleep for a few hours.

We didn’t know then that her dog weighs 55kgs and I only weigh 4.5kgs. 

I am so glad that you didn’t accept what she said at face value and that you took me back to our office and called my vet and they told you to induce vomiting and you didn’t want to do that until you realized they meant in me and then you panicked when you realized we were out of hydrogen peroxide so you stuck your finger down my throat and I bit you and then we both had to go to the hospital and I was so glad that I am not a human because I didn’t have to wait four hours to be assessed by a triage nurse and then sit in the waiting room for three days. They took me in right away and they made me puke my guts out and then they made me stay me for eight hours and they kept giving me charcoal, which tastes like s*%t and then you and Gimalle came and took me home and we went for a walk and I pooped that black stuff out of my bum and three weeks later after much rain and snow it was still on the pavement.  

The next day when the vet called to check up on us she told you that the lethal dose of Ritalin for puppies is 1mg per 10kg of body weight which means that if you hadn’t rushed me to the ER I would have died twice. 

 I’m so glad you didn’t listen to that lady because, even though she is a sikolijist (I don‘t think I spelled that right), and she meant no harm, she didn’t know what she was talking about. 

 Rael, this is really important so I want you to tell everyone. Please tell people that it is a really bad idea to give advice when you don’t know what you are talking about, even if you are well edjewkayted (oops). The consekwenses (that’s a tough one) of bad advice can be devastating. 

I know everyone has an opinion (God knows, you sure have a lot of them) but I really want people to learn that just because something is their opinion, doesn’t mean it is right.

Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. Also, sorry about that little incident on the carpet right after you had it cleaned. Also again, before I forget, your wallet is behind the couch in the reception area.

Thanks again. You’re my hero. 

Don’t tell Gimalle this, but you’re my favourite. 

I love you,

Malka.  

Till we read again.